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CHUCKLES TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY

SOMETHING TO PONDER........

  • Can you cry under water?
  • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
  • Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
  • Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • What disease did cured ham actually have?
  • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
  • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  • Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
  • Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Why Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
  • Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • IF you go to heaven and get wings, what if you're scared of heights????

 

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of her son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
"Let's try to make this look natural" she said.

"Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder."
The father answered,

"If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my back pocket?"

 

When my Doctor asked me if I led an active life I told him about my day:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a deep lake,

barely escaped from a wild pig in the heavy brush, marched along a treacherous trail up and down a mountain,

stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and barely escaped jumping away from an aggressive brown snake."

Inspired by my story, the Doctor said,

"You must be an awesome outdoorsman!" "No," I replied, "I'm just a ‘useless’ golfer."

 

Sam picked up his wife Becky and their new baby from hospital and brought them home.

It was not long before Becky suggested that Sam try his hand at changing a diaper.
"I'm busy," he said. "I promise I'll do the next one."
The next time soon came around so Becky asked him again.
Sam looked at Becky and said, innocently,

"I didn't mean the next diaper, I meant the next baby."

 

Koos takes dog to movies, and afterwards, the dog is laughing his head off.

That is incredible”, says a passer by.

‘Yes.”says the owner. “The dog hated the book”

 

Darling , if I die before you, will you re-marry.

Yes

And, would he sleep in our bed.

Yes.

And would you make love in our bed.

Yes.

And would you let him use my golf clubs.

No, he is left handed.

 

Blond has burns to both her ears.

What happened?

I answered the phone whilst ironing.

And what about the other ear.

The idiot phoned back again.

 

Man caught speeding at 150 kmh

Says he was only doing 120kmh.

They start arguing, and the police asked him to step out from the car.

His wife who is sitting next to him says.

Be careful officer. Don’t argue with him when he is drink

Man goes for brain transplant.

The surgeon say there are 2 brains available.

Business mans brain for R20,000-00 or politician for R100,000-00.

“Why so expensive?”

“Politicians brain never been used”.

 

Neighbour:  You must close the curtains in your bedroom. I saw you and your wife making it out last night.

Haha. I wasn’t even home last night.

 

 

Koos takes dog to movies, and afterwards, the dog is laughing his head off.

That is incredible”, says a passer by.

‘Yes.”says the owner. “The dog hated the book”

 

Darling , if I die before you, will you re-marry.

Yes

And, would he sleep in our bed.

Yes.

And would you make love in our bed.

Yes.

And would you let him use my golf clubs.

No, he is left handed.

 

Blond has burns to both her ears.

What happened?

I answered the phone whilst ironing.

And what about the other ear.

The idiot phoned back again.

 

Man caught speeding at 150 kmh

Says he was only doing 120kmh.

They start arguing, and the police asked him to step out from the car.

His wife who is sitting next to him says.

Be careful officer. Don’t argue with him when he is drunk.

 

Man goes for brain transplant.

The surgeon say there are 2 brains available.

Business mans brain for R20,000-00 or politician for R100,000-00.

“Why so expensive?”

“Politicians brain never been used”.

 

Neighbour:  You must close the curtains in your bedroom. I saw you and your wife making it out last night.

Haha. I wasn’t even home last night.

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P.O. Box 18536, Dalbridge, 4014

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AFTER HOURS

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Nilesh Singh: 083 779 1822

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